Time is steadily pressing down on me. I feel like everything is happening at once and I can’t grasp or grip anything. I guess everyone has that feeling every so often. This is my first time hitting bottom like this (although I did feel like I had hit it before) and I must say that I hate it.

I resent my predicament. I resent myself. I feel like I let myself down. I should’ve been taking better care of myself and planning better for my future. I know that now. I always felt my life motto was “If only I knew then, what I know now…”. That motto has owned me. I always learn what I needed literally years after it would’ve helped me. Not because I didn’t listen, but because I chose another path.

I can’t say that I’ve fully learned from this experience. I’ll probably make the same mistake(s) years down the road again. I will say that I’ll strive harder to avoid this again. I simply can’t live my life like this. It does nothing but hamper me and slowly kill me.


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